Hope Is...

“Hope is
Folding paper cranes
Even when your hands get cramped
And your eyes tired,
Working past blisters and paper cuts,
Simply because something in you
Insists on
Opening its wings.”

(Elizabeth Barrette)

I read this quote tonight and something inside me resonated with it. The words "Tired," "Cramped," "Blisters," "Working," "Cuts" in this poem seem to all have a few levels of meaning to me right now.

When thinking of myself and my physical experience, various topics come to mind -- Late nights at work. Laundry that I cannot catch up with. Boys who wake us up at night. Menu planning that isn't...well...planned. Runny noses. Jumping off of living room furniture. Peach juice mysteriously poured onto the already-messy floor under the highchairs, along with a chorus of mischievous giggling. More runny noses. The list could go on.

YET...Despite the fact that our lives are filled with two two-year-olds who aren't always super nice and easy on dear old mom & dad, there are more difficult places in which Gabe & I find our hearts, our emotions, our thoughts right now. The often tiring daily routine with the boys pales in comparison to the fatigue I feel in my heart for the children who do not have the honor and the privilege of driving their mommy & daddy crazy on a given day...Because mommy & daddy simply do not exist. And they're probably too ill to be too rambunctious for their own good.

Both Gabe & I have had our hearts twisted around in the past week. Ever since bringing the boys home (and even before that) we've had a fiery, burning passion inside of us to cry out to the church and say "WAKE UP!!!" on the issue of orphan care. We want other Christians like us with the means to give of themselves in a life-changing way to...Just do it. We are more compelled by the "Why are you NOT involved with adoption in some way?" question than the more common "That's just not our thing" statement that is all too often said. Even though the boys take up so much of our time, we earnestly want to be intentional about reaching out to our home churches here in Holland and beyond, challenging others to take on the cause of the orphan as their own cause...The cause Jesus has called us to anyway.

On Wednesday night, Gabe & I were looking on our adoption agency's website with "waiting children" listed.

(Now please just allow me to get on my soapbox for a minute.) The question I am dying to ask my fellow Christian brothers & sisters is this: "WHY are there waiting children?! Why are we allowing them to exist as such!?!" (I would also like to ask Jesus this question, but I think I already know His answer. He'd say, "Because those who say they love Me are not doing what I command.")

I was reading Keith Green's devotional "If You Love The Lord" a few days ago and devotional #2 hit me like a ton of bricks. It's called "Beyond the Bless-Me Club." He says:

One of (Jesus') toughest questions, posed in Luke 6:46, haunts me: "Why do you call me, 'Lord, Lord' and do not do what I say?" Jesus throws out this challenge because he knows human nature. He knows that you and I want the security of friendship with him. We want his love and peace, plus the assurance that we're going to spend eternity with him. He also knows, that, in our human nature we don't want it to cost us anything. We want something for nothing, sort of a personal "bless-me club."

But back to last Wednesday night. After the boys were finally in bed, we sat on the couch while I caught up on emails and Gabe read a recent issue of Popular Science next to me. It was the perfect "be together but get stuff done" sort of evening. I was writing emails, but also looking at the waiting child list as my heart broke for the little ones denoted by numbers in "camps" of other numbers. Physical deformities. Crippled arms & legs. Glassy-eyed faces of children whose mothers had abused drugs while pregnant. Children who are difficult to place in waiting adoptive families because they are the less desirables. The ones who aren't healthy, bouncing infants. The ones who have watched countless other children in their orphanages find homes with families and LEAVE...only to be left behind, knowing because some how they aren't desirable.

I combed through the faces, searching for who-knows whom. While Gabriel & I talk fondly about our next adoption, whenever that may be, we have not been actively looking for someone to adopt. In fact, we've been super blessed by friends and acquaintances in our lives who are considering adoption and are in various phases of the process and we feel quite strongly that a big part of our calling right now is to encourage them and keep them accountable as they find their way to the children who need to call them "mommy" and "daddy."

Under the category of ages 2-5yrs, on page #4, I stopped. Gabe happened to look up from his Popular Science magazine (actually, he was probably just pretending to read Popular Science and was looking at the kids with me all this time). Gabe said, "Let's take a look at her." I clicked. And Gabe's heart pounded.

I did not know Gabe's heart was pounding at the time. But I did know my heart soared to my throat. Dead silence. On the screen in front of us was the most beautiful little girl ever. And her name was...you'll never believe this... "Blessed Joy."

We combed through her profile, listing various physical deformities and also her personality, etc. I looked at Gabe. He looked at me. "How could anyone NOT want her?" are the exact words that came from Gabe's mouth. Then he said something like, "Well we could take her."

At that point, even though my emotions were gripped by this little face, I had not thought about US taking her...yet. But once Gabe mentioned it, it seemed just so natural and so normal for me to also think the same thing. No different than a little girl coming to your front door and saying "Will you take care of me?" Gabe & I both strive to have hearts that are quick to say "yes" when we already know it's about something the Lord would certainly want as well. Not that the Lord would necessarily want US to be her family, of course, but we know He desperately wants someone to step up and give Blessed Joy a family.

We went to bed heavy hearted, and of course I quickly thought about what it would be like to have a four year old and two (soon to be) three year olds. Oi. That thought was fleeting, though, because I knew deep inside of me that whatever inconveniences coming with 3 children 2 years apart would cause in my life PALES in comparison to the thought of Blessed Joy being institutionalized because of "undesirable" characteristics in her body that she can do nothing about. Gabe was quick to call the adoption agency the next day to ask about more information, and we were told that in order to adopt from her country we would have to be 27 years old and married for at least 3 years. Strike.

Making sure that "no" really WAS the answer, we checked with another person we know within the same agency and asked her the same question - could we? (Or I think in my nervousness I said something like, "Um...we have these friends..." ;)) She said she'd get back to us on Monday or Tuesday to see if an exception could be made.

From the onset of Blessed Joy penetrating our hearts, we knew we were so convicted by her that if we could NOT adopt her, we would bear her cause until her family was found. Even if the social worker said we would not qualify, we knew that would not mean a "no" to Blessed Joy. It would simply mean a "no" to being a Kalmbacher, but a "yes" to a personal burden we know we need to bear until her family is found.

On Friday afternoon when Gabe and I were talking about Blessed Joy, Gabe said something that I don't think I'll ever forget. We eating lunch after just putting the boys down for their naps. He said, "You know, if we can adopt her and we do adopt her, people will think we're really, really nuts. They'll say things like, 'but what about your financial situation? Certainly you can't afford this. You just adopted two boys! Aren't you trying to do too much?' You know what I'd say? 'Feel free to give me a prophetic word from the Lord that He says we shouldn't do this, but if you don't have a prophetic word, there is no way you could theologically or rationally talk me out of this.' Whenever adoption comes up, people talk about their financial welfare or situation not being enough. But who is thinking about HER financial situation? If this were their daughter out there, would they say they couldn't come up with the resources to go get her?" As Gabe's words fell on my ears, I am sure I fell even more in love with him.

Yesterday, we got the email. The country regulations would not allow a 25 & 26 year old (well, almost 25 & almost 26 year old) married for 2.2 years to adopt. Immediately we said, "Okay, well, thats our answer. So now we need to get busy."

By that evening, I was on the phone trying to get a prospective couple to hear my heart about this girl and asking them to consider adopting her. It strikes me how compelled we've felt these past 36 hours that we need to find her family right away...And it also strikes me to think, "What if every Christian family was assigned an orphan to either adopt themselves or to find a family for -- Not resting until they found this child a home?" Gabe has always teased me about my proclivity for wanting to play matchmaker for single friends of ours, because I never get the guts to actually do the matchmaking. I just talk about it. But now it makes even me laugh to think that the Lord is using my matchmaking heart to potentially match some mommy & daddy with their baby girl. I love it.

Please be praying for Blessed Joy...And for all the waiting children out there who desperately need someone to give them a chance. Please also be praying for her family, whomever they are...That their hearts will be gripped and they will be quick to act and bring their daughter home.